Aber wenn ich könnte wie ich wollte würde ich gar nichts wollen

Ich weiß aber dass alle etwas wollen sollen

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Esteliel
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Loes Valthen

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May 29th, 2014

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I'm up to 6k words on my Not Prime Time fic now, which is good. And about halfway through my outline for the story, which is not good, because this means this might easily go to 10k, and I don't even know how that happened that I cannot pull off a short 3k exchange fic anymore! :/

On the other hand NPT deadline is still more than a month away, and I hope that being able to let this stew for a while before final edits will help with figuring out how to fix the weak/OOC parts while keeping it tropey. It's always so difficult to find that balance between writing a trope you love and trying not to slide into cliché/blatant ooc characterization, because overthinking tropes usually kills what makes them so good for the id.

Well, some people are able to pull off tropes in ways that are both incredibly hot and also beautifully in character, but those people also have far better skills. It would make me weep with frustration, but instead I'm just grateful I get to wallow in all the good fic every day. (Ugh, the JVJ rec list is the bane of my existance, and also proof that I will never learn. Every night it is like, oh, I really should go to bed in ten minutes, let's maybe read a short story before that - and then I click on a link from that list to reread something and suddenly, surprise! It's an hour and three stories later and I once again only get 6 hours of sleep. _-_)

Anyway, I'm so glad that I'm still managing to cling to that happy first stage of new fandom love - well, maybe it is already the second stage now. My first stage was to read all the things, no matter how bad or OOC. But still, three months later and I'm still happy and enthusiastic and definitely overinvested and writing more per month than I sometimes used to write per year. I really don't know when I last had this incredible *need* to write - right now I'm hoping to finish my first terrible draft of the NPT fic by the weekend, and then maybe get to indulge myself by writing a few really short things, if I can find prompts that inspire me, and then I also have yet another doc with notes for the d/s thing I might or might not write one day - and of course all the notes for the Big Bang.

Every time I get frustrated because my writing isn't as good/as powerful/as in character as I want it to be, I look at how much I'm currently writing, and even if it's all far from perfect, I'm learning something from every story I write. Editing my writing from ten years ago for last Nano was such a powerful lesson in how far I had come as a writer, because I was able to see all my weaknesses and shortcuts (and terrible speech tags and abuse of adverbs and so on and so on...) so clearly. So maybe it's not perfect now, but it will be better next year, and it will be much better in ten years. (And then I come across someone whose writing is perfect and who is ten years younger and I want to weep again, but oh well. Perfection is a terrible goal.)

Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/428773.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

April 3rd, 2014

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Words written during the past 2 months:

LOTRO: 5167
Les Misérables: 27 170
Tolkien: 4114
ASOIAF: 3460

Altogether that makes ~40k words, in 2 months. That is amazing, considering that I usually see myself as a glacially slow writer. And the 27k words of Les Mis happened pretty much during one month. Not all good words, obviously - a lot of it was trying to find my voice for this fandom, experimenting with various things, spending a week writing OOC idfic porn to get that out of my system, but all in all, I wrote 27k in one month even without any kind of external deadline or pressure. That's a good thing.

I also have two more stories lined up (and, umm, a kinkmeme prompt that looks so good and would be more embarrassing to post than the ooc porn I've already written /o\) and yesterday yet another story came to me that would really like to be written (or rather, the sudden realization how I could make yet another favourite trope work). I don't know what it is, but this fandom makes me want to pull out all my favourite tropes and hold them close to my heart and look at them in delight and write all the fic for them.

I have genuinely not felt like this since discovering the Vampire Chronicles fandom in 97. And the fic is all so amazing (well, not all, but I'm pretty good at judging fic by its AO3 summary, so disappointments are few) that every day it is a struggle between reading fic, telling people how incredibly happy their stories make me or, you know, actually writing myself. I should probably tell more people how much joy their stories give me though, and stop acting like a scared woodland creature (but it's hard when everything is so intimidatingly good!).

(Also, Vincent gave me yet another Eluivor plotbunny I *need* to write as well because it will be so hot. Well, only to the two of us, but, that story will need to be written. <3 And then I promised him to make bottom!Vereyar happen, which, hah, now there is a challenge, considering they have that whole Greek student/teacher thing going on and Eluivor idolizes him, but, I'm determined. It will be very good if I can pull it off. And then there is the one and only SanSan story I have in me which I should probably write one of these days, but... We'll see if that will ever happen with all the Les Mis taking over my mind.)

I've also signed up for Remix and am all excited to get to play. And I've had some rum and coke this evening, and a bit of icecream, so it's a good evening, now if only I could make myself write. (Speaking of icecream, somehow I've now lost so much weight that I weigh less than I weighed 15 years ago in school. It's... a source of neverending confusion to me. And I think this makes me happier than it should? But let's not talk about fucked up body images now, I don't think I'll ever get rid of that. Mostly what's important is that I eat a ton of local, organic fruit and veggies which I get delivered by a local farmer every week, so whatever my body makes from that is what it is, as long as I feel good. And I do feel good.)

Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/426571.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.
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February 11th, 2009

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It took me long enough, but I've finished my edit of Ethuil'waew, more or less. I still need to read through it a few more times - I've done a radical search & replace for 'the elf' with 'the man', as every time I read it, it just irks me. Would Legolas think of Glorfindel as 'the elf'? Certainly not, no more than you would think of another person you see as 'the human'. What he would see and think would be 'the man'; as in 'male', not 'human'.

I am also very VERY certain that years ago I read in Tolkien's Letters a letter where he briefly talked about that topic. But can I find it now? Of course not. I've already quickly looked through half of the book; hopefully I'll find it in the other half today.

There is also lots of gratuitous usage of 'the Noldo', because as much as I try to steer clear of epithets, it's just unavoidable when the two characters are strangers and don't know the other's name.

Why yes, I'm doing footnotes this time. I've never felt the need for them before, but another thing that irks me is when a fact is touted as canon by people who have never even made the effort to research for themselves - you think there are no horses in Mirkwood? Then I wonder what the elves are riding to the hunt in The Hobbit - wargs? "Companies of the Wood-elves, sometimes with the king at their head, would from time to time ride out to hunt, or to other business in the woods and in the lands to the East." (Hobbit, chapter IX "Barrels out of Bond") And why is Legolas capable of easily riding "restive and fiery" Arod without saddle and rein if there are no horses in Mirkwood?
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