Aber wenn ich könnte wie ich wollte würde ich gar nichts wollen

Ich weiß aber dass alle etwas wollen sollen

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Esteliel
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Loes Valthen

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July 17th, 2014

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It is TOO HOT. That's the bad thing about summer. And it's going to be hot for the next few days. Fingers crossed this will be the last heat wave of the summer.

On the other hand I'm in an incredibly good mood because I've blocked my holiday in our schedule at work so none of my co-workers can think of interfering with my plans, and booked my flight yesterday, and am so ridiculously excited to get to spend a week with friends from chat for all the Les Mis nerdiness. \o/

I've also written a ton of stories lately because I just cannot stop. Click for 5 Les Mis fics and one ASOIAF fic.

Read more... )

Also I got awesome gift fic and a treat in exchanges!! <3

Force Another Lock, Turn Another Key (1707 words) by A Big Sexy Jellyfish
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Javert/Jean Valjean
Characters: Javert (Les Misérables), Jean Valjean
Additional Tags: Misunderstandings, Pre-Slash, Canon Era
Summary: The fact that Valjean is no longer running from much of anything these days makes him very infuriating to pursue.


Songs of Sun and Shadow (2025 words) by Zdenka
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Finrod, Thranduil, Melian
Additional Tags: First Age
Summary: Melian asks Finrod, on a visit to Menegroth, to test the abilities of her young student in songs of power.


we are all of us defined by our actions (1849 words) by misura
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Les Misérables (2012)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Javert/Jean Valjean
Additional Tags: Undercover As Gay, Gay Bar, Undercover as a Couple
Summary: "I do not require your aid," Javert said. "Merely your company. For the moment."
Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/429214.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

June 6th, 2014

FIC: Faultlines of the Heart [Les Misérables]

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I am still fully in the grasp of this new fandom obsession. I know I keep repeating myself, but I am still surprised! I have now written around 66k words in little more than 3 months! Whatever this is, I'm going to cling to this fannish happiness for as long as I can because this has never happened to me before quite like this.

And after finally finishing the first draft of my NPT assignment (which I loathe apart from the final scene but at least I think I know what it is that the beginning is lacking so it can be fixed in the month I have left) I celebrated by - starting on a new story right away because apparently I cannot stop writing now even if I want to spend an evening reading instead.

But it meant that I finished the D/s fic that has been on my mind for a while just in time for a Barricade Day offering. It's a really self-indulgent story in that the reason I've wanted to write it for so long was to see if I could pull it off in a way that is both adequately in character and most importantly feels true on an emotional level to me? I'm not even sure if I'm making sense to anyone else here, but I ended up really enjoying the writing process of this, which is incredibly rare.

So have some D/s fic for Barricade Day (or Javert Derailment Day now I guess), where D/s really means old French men trying to deal and talking about feels a lot.

Faultlines of the Heart (4397 words) by Esteliel
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Javert/Jean Valjean
Characters: Javert (Les Misérables), Jean Valjean
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Javert Survives, Dom/sub Undertones, Blow Jobs, Feels, Established Relationship, Roleplay, Edging
Summary:

Valjean watches for a long moment. When he stays silent, Javert's anger retreats like a candle extinguished by a sudden, cold draft. It is sobering; humiliation curls within him. He should not have talked Valjean into this. All this time, and still he is a liar. Still he is selfish, holding his own needs above those of the man to whom he owes all.

Javert is ashamed of his fantasies, but is at last forced to face them in an attempt to be honest with Valjean.


(Also OMG is it Big Bang check-in date 1 this weekend? I believe it is! /o\ Oh god. Time to finally start writing maybe. Let us not talk of the mini Valvert exchange on Tumblr I've also signed up for because I'm a) a masochist b) insane c) both?) Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/428887.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

May 29th, 2014

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I'm up to 6k words on my Not Prime Time fic now, which is good. And about halfway through my outline for the story, which is not good, because this means this might easily go to 10k, and I don't even know how that happened that I cannot pull off a short 3k exchange fic anymore! :/

On the other hand NPT deadline is still more than a month away, and I hope that being able to let this stew for a while before final edits will help with figuring out how to fix the weak/OOC parts while keeping it tropey. It's always so difficult to find that balance between writing a trope you love and trying not to slide into cliché/blatant ooc characterization, because overthinking tropes usually kills what makes them so good for the id.

Well, some people are able to pull off tropes in ways that are both incredibly hot and also beautifully in character, but those people also have far better skills. It would make me weep with frustration, but instead I'm just grateful I get to wallow in all the good fic every day. (Ugh, the JVJ rec list is the bane of my existance, and also proof that I will never learn. Every night it is like, oh, I really should go to bed in ten minutes, let's maybe read a short story before that - and then I click on a link from that list to reread something and suddenly, surprise! It's an hour and three stories later and I once again only get 6 hours of sleep. _-_)

Anyway, I'm so glad that I'm still managing to cling to that happy first stage of new fandom love - well, maybe it is already the second stage now. My first stage was to read all the things, no matter how bad or OOC. But still, three months later and I'm still happy and enthusiastic and definitely overinvested and writing more per month than I sometimes used to write per year. I really don't know when I last had this incredible *need* to write - right now I'm hoping to finish my first terrible draft of the NPT fic by the weekend, and then maybe get to indulge myself by writing a few really short things, if I can find prompts that inspire me, and then I also have yet another doc with notes for the d/s thing I might or might not write one day - and of course all the notes for the Big Bang.

Every time I get frustrated because my writing isn't as good/as powerful/as in character as I want it to be, I look at how much I'm currently writing, and even if it's all far from perfect, I'm learning something from every story I write. Editing my writing from ten years ago for last Nano was such a powerful lesson in how far I had come as a writer, because I was able to see all my weaknesses and shortcuts (and terrible speech tags and abuse of adverbs and so on and so on...) so clearly. So maybe it's not perfect now, but it will be better next year, and it will be much better in ten years. (And then I come across someone whose writing is perfect and who is ten years younger and I want to weep again, but oh well. Perfection is a terrible goal.)

Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/428773.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

May 19th, 2014

More Les Mis fic

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Remix Reveals happened, so I can link my story now, which is a remix of Cinaed's amazing, beautiful The Summer Has His Joys, And Winter His Delights which everyone should read because it is just full of warmth and happiness and all the feels. <3

Blow out All the Candles (6752 words) by Esteliel
Fandom: Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Rating: Mature
Relationships: Javert/Jean Valjean
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Javert Survives, Blow Jobs, Snowed In, Remix Redux, Remix, Friends to Lovers
Summary: Valjean smiled. He seemed a picture of calm contentedness in this small cottage surrounded by snow, so that Javert stepped closer, inexorably pulled, like a man lost in a storm following the warm glow of a candle. Sometimes it felt like mere instinct, and he wondered if he had fought this pull so long partly for this reason. It seemed too easy to follow this need, when something like this should not be.
Valjean and Javert spend the winter in a cottage. When a storm arrives, the tension between them can no longer be ignored.


Also after writing that fisting story and far too much size kink enabling by voksen and Stripy I wrote 6k about Javert's Big Dick ahahaha ha. /o\ (Only this time I had the willpower to actually resist posting it under that title.) This was supposed to be 1k of light-hearted kink! I don't know how these things happen!

Lift the Weight of the World (6036 words) by Esteliel
Fandom: Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Rating: Explicit
Relationships: Javert/Jean Valjean
Additional Tags: Size Kink, Large Cock, Alternate Universe - Javert Survives, Canon Era, Javert's big hands
Summary: He fell to his knees; he flushed hotly; he did not dare to raise his face, imagining that it had to be obvious how he was affected, what had affected him so, and as he cut through the rope at Javert's feet with trembling fingers, not a moment passed where he was not uncomfortably aware of how close he was to the taunting, tantalizing shape that stretched far too large beneath the tight cut of Javert's trousers.
From the day he first saw him in Toulon, Valjean is fascinated by how well-endowed Javert is.



Oh God I just still want to roll around in my fannish feels all day - after so much time of not writing, now I have an OTP that makes me obsess in the way I haven't obsessed about a single pairing since 97, an IRC chat full of the most lovely and amazing and smart and beautifully porn-enabling people ever, and my BFF who lets me rant at him all day about weird kinkmeme prompts I want to write or the amazing stories I have just read. (Also in the way that fandom is a small small place it turns out that not only was I in jrock fandom at the same time with one of my new Les Mis friends but we actually went to the same gig in 2004! The mind boggles. I even still have the tour shirt, haha!)

Fandom just makes me so so happy again right now and I'm determined to cling to that happiness because it makes me want to write and read all the things! I'm currently thinking that my birthday present to myself should be to go see the new Les Mis West End cast later this year... <3
Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/428356.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

May 8th, 2014

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So last weekend I wrote another story.... Ahahaha. The title. Yes. /o\ I blame that fully on #lesmiseres "help".

Though it is indeed nothing but a small fisting pwp, so, let the title be a warning to you.

Valjean and Javert - A Fisting Story (1678 words) by Esteliel
Fandom: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Javert/Jean Valjean
Additional Tags: Fisting, PWP, Alternate Universe - Javert Survives, Canon Era
Summary: There is sweat on Javert's skin. The sound of his harsh, broken gasps fills the small room. Everything in here feels slightly cheap, slightly worn; even the light that filters in through the curtain is gray and gives everything a tint of that misery Valjean knows only too well. Javert takes good care of his sparse possessions; he does not take good care of himself, and Valjean, who even now would prefer to deny himself the white bread Cosette insists on sending, cannot deny himself this.

Ahem. I'm spending a lot of time in IRC hanging out with other Les Mis people lately these past few weeks, which does wonders for my fannish productivity - 3 challenges I've signed up for since falling for this fandom, and we will see what the rest of the year will bring. But this weekend, there will be Remix Redux reveals, and I've signed up for Not Prime Time, and then yesterday, the Les Mis Big Bang. I'm not doing Ardor in August because that's already quite a lot of fic deadlines for me. Though with the Big Bang, my main worry is whether the story can be told in less than 30k - reaching the 10k at least should be easy, and seeing everyone brainstorm yesterday really really makes me want to start on this. I've had a document open where I've been noting down ideas for a huddling for warmth/survival trope fic for several weeks now and eyed it with longing a lot, but since that is my favourite trope I didn't really want to touch it until I managed to get all the ooc porn out of my system. Well, I think I've reached that point now.

All the huddling for warmth. <3

But first, my NPT assignment, which is going to be another favourite trope. Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/428184.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

April 21st, 2014

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Apparently the thing I do when I feel half-sick from all the food is to eat a few more chocolate eggs. This works as well as you would think.

I also finally wrestled my notes on Valjean and Javert and Redemption through debasement/suffering and Hugo's religious symbolism into something more coherent, and since Tumblr is probably the worst place ever for longer text posts, I've also posted it to the DW Les Mis community: Javert and Valjean and Redemption meta

Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/427791.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.
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April 19th, 2014

FIC: Ecce Homo [Les Misérables]

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So there was this kinkmeme prompt that looked at me, and I was half wondering if I could pull it off, and then I just tried. It's really more of an experiment and (ahem) takes Hugo’s religious imagery to a new level, but I think that experiments are always good. The prompt asked for Javert with self-inflicted stigmata, so, beware all the symbolism.

Ecce Homo (3040 words) by Esteliel
Fandom: Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Characters: Javert (Les Misérables), Jean Valjean
Additional Tags: Kink Meme, Stigmata (Freeform), Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Blood, Alternate Universe - Javert Survives
Summary: That night in Paris, Javert does not jump. Instead, he tries to grapple with the notion of mercy, compassion, a God above the law in typical Javert-fashion.



There is darkness above and below him. Above, the sky; vast blackness without stars. Below, the cold waters of the Seine. There is a loud roar in his ears. The wind is already reaching out with greedy fingers for his soul.

He is hollow, an empty container. No soul resides in his chest. For the first time he is aware of that emptiness as a stain instead of a commendation.

He climbs onto the parapet. The stone is firm beneath him; upon that firmness, he trembles. Above himself, he feels a terrible presence, something greater than the law, something his mind cannot grasp to understand. He is slowly crushed against a mercy as hard as diamond, until his body dissolves, forced against a grate that tears away flesh and blood until his soul alone kneels there in the darkness, a small, shameful thing that trembles in its nakedness beneath an ever-seeing eye.

Read more... )

Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/427713.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

FIC: Authority Enchained 3/3 [Les Misérables]

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I finally finished this:

Authority Enchained (12635 words) by Esteliel
Chapters: 3/3
Fandom: Les Misérables - Victor Hugo, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Javert/Jean Valjean
Characters: Javert (Les Misérables), Jean Valjean, Grantaire (Les Misérables), Enjolras (Les Misérables)
Additional Tags: Bondage, Martingale, Captivity, drunk!Javert, Alternate Universe - Javert Survives, Javert's Confused Boner, Hand Jobs
Summary: Grantaire decides to share some brandy with the spy. Valjean, when he comes to free the spy, is faced with a drunk Javert. Also, Javert finds the martingale quite distracting and infuriating.

Also, a place where tiny ficlets and drabbles will go into:

Ficlets and Drabbles (530 words) by Esteliel
Chapters: 2/2
Fandom: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Javert/Jean Valjean
Characters: Javert (Les Misérables), Jean Valjean
Additional Tags: Blasphemy, Madeleine Era, Crack
Summary: A collection of ficlets and drabbles, so they don't get lost in the bowels of Tumblr.

Over the years, I have somehow unlearned how to drabble. I am apparently completely unable to express a thought in 100 words by now. With all these superfluous words I keep using I really feel like I could use the exercise, so maybe I should try to keep it up.
Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/427433.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

April 8th, 2014

FIC: Authority Enchained 2/3 [Les Misérables]

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GoT season 4 spoilers ) I swear if we get Oberyn Martell for RingCon next year I will do "noble Dornish lady of Lemonwood" cosplay and get my picture taken with him. <3 Which reminds me that I should start working on this year's cosplay outfit before it gets too warm on the weekends to spend my time sewing pink wool cloaks. But it will be worth it for a hug from Charles Dance! Just thinking about last year makes me all happy. I can't wait to get the con dvd, though it seems it will be autumn until will be out.


And there was more writing this week, so at last another chapter. One left now, and then there is my remix fic to worry about, and that folder of ideas for other stories... /o\

Authority Enchained (8767 words) by Esteliel
Chapters: 2/3
Fandom: Les Misérables - Victor Hugo, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Javert/Jean Valjean
Characters: Javert (Les Misérables), Jean Valjean, Grantaire (Les Misérables)
Additional Tags: Bondage, Martingale, Captivity, drunk!Javert, Alternate Universe - Javert Survives, Javert's Confused Boner, Hand Jobs
Summary:

Grantaire decides to share some brandy with the spy. Valjean, when he comes to free the spy, is faced with a drunk Javert. Also, Javert finds the martingale quite distracting and infuriating.




What had Valjean expected when he dragged Javert out into Mondetour lane by the martingale? He had expected words of derision, even threats – he knew Javert would never be swayed, and he knew that if he released him now, the shadow that had hunted him all of his life would continue to follow his every step. And still he could not act any different. He would do what he had come prepared to do: free the man, send him off, save this life as well as that of the boy, if God granted it.

He had not been prepared to see the inspector slump against the wall, eyes dark and wide as he looked at him and yet did not see, reeking of spirits. What had possessed these boys to ply their prisoner with brandy? Had Javert asked for it? He could not imagine that. A mercy then, granted a man on the cusp of death? He doubted it. The commander of these men had fondness for neither mercy nor foolishness, and it seemed to Valjean to be the latter as he looked at Javert who stared into the darkness, eyes heavy-lidded and the usually so fearsome features slack from drink.

Read more... )

Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/427191.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

April 3rd, 2014

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Words written during the past 2 months:

LOTRO: 5167
Les Misérables: 27 170
Tolkien: 4114
ASOIAF: 3460

Altogether that makes ~40k words, in 2 months. That is amazing, considering that I usually see myself as a glacially slow writer. And the 27k words of Les Mis happened pretty much during one month. Not all good words, obviously - a lot of it was trying to find my voice for this fandom, experimenting with various things, spending a week writing OOC idfic porn to get that out of my system, but all in all, I wrote 27k in one month even without any kind of external deadline or pressure. That's a good thing.

I also have two more stories lined up (and, umm, a kinkmeme prompt that looks so good and would be more embarrassing to post than the ooc porn I've already written /o\) and yesterday yet another story came to me that would really like to be written (or rather, the sudden realization how I could make yet another favourite trope work). I don't know what it is, but this fandom makes me want to pull out all my favourite tropes and hold them close to my heart and look at them in delight and write all the fic for them.

I have genuinely not felt like this since discovering the Vampire Chronicles fandom in 97. And the fic is all so amazing (well, not all, but I'm pretty good at judging fic by its AO3 summary, so disappointments are few) that every day it is a struggle between reading fic, telling people how incredibly happy their stories make me or, you know, actually writing myself. I should probably tell more people how much joy their stories give me though, and stop acting like a scared woodland creature (but it's hard when everything is so intimidatingly good!).

(Also, Vincent gave me yet another Eluivor plotbunny I *need* to write as well because it will be so hot. Well, only to the two of us, but, that story will need to be written. <3 And then I promised him to make bottom!Vereyar happen, which, hah, now there is a challenge, considering they have that whole Greek student/teacher thing going on and Eluivor idolizes him, but, I'm determined. It will be very good if I can pull it off. And then there is the one and only SanSan story I have in me which I should probably write one of these days, but... We'll see if that will ever happen with all the Les Mis taking over my mind.)

I've also signed up for Remix and am all excited to get to play. And I've had some rum and coke this evening, and a bit of icecream, so it's a good evening, now if only I could make myself write. (Speaking of icecream, somehow I've now lost so much weight that I weigh less than I weighed 15 years ago in school. It's... a source of neverending confusion to me. And I think this makes me happier than it should? But let's not talk about fucked up body images now, I don't think I'll ever get rid of that. Mostly what's important is that I eat a ton of local, organic fruit and veggies which I get delivered by a local farmer every week, so whatever my body makes from that is what it is, as long as I feel good. And I do feel good.)

Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/426571.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.
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March 30th, 2014

FIC: Authority Enchained 1/? [Les Misérables]

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Authority Enchained (4454 words) by Esteliel
Chapters: 1/?
Fandom: Les Misérables - Victor Hugo, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Javert/Jean Valjean
Characters: Javert (Les Misérables), Jean Valjean, Grantaire (Les Misérables)
Additional Tags: Bondage, Martingale, Captivity, drunk!Javert, Alternate Universe - Javert Survives, Javert's Confused Boner
Summary:
"Take your revenge," he said, fixing Valjean with a stare when at last he was pushed against a crumbling wall. They were alone. Darkness surrounded them. The street was deserted; somewhere in the distance there was still the sound of trumpets. The brandy made it harder to think. His eyes kept being drawn to small details, lingering there. The whiteness of Valjean's hair in the light of the moon. The gleam of his eyes – was this the look of a man about to kill? The glint of a blade.
Ah, at last. There it was then.
"That suits you better." His lips twisted into a sneer. His bound hands grappled at the wall at his back. It would still be quick, he told himself. Valjean would cut his throat, bleed him like a butcher. That, too, was well. It was still death, and death at the hand of a criminal was not unwelcome. He would die upright and proud, and not long after him, Valjean would die when the barricade fell.


Grantaire decides to share some brandy with the spy. Valjean, when he comes to free the spy, is faced with a drunk Javert. Also, Javert finds the martingale quite distracting and infuriating.

Inspired more than a month ago by this gifset, which sparked a discussion about how that Javert had to be drunk, and what fun a drunk Javert at the barricade could be.

Read more... )

Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/426291.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

March 23rd, 2014

FIC: A Good Day

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A Good Day (3213 words) by Esteliel
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings Online
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Characters: Orc(s), Eluivor, Vereyar
Additional Tags: LOTRO, MMORPGs, Isengard Fic, Torture, Captivity, Starvation, Whipping
Series: Part 6 of The Tale of Eluivor and Vereyar
Summary:
He could not see Vereyar suffer beneath the orcs' lash, not yet. Some stubborn part of him, mostly forgotten now as exhaustion and suffering and despair filled the heart that had once been filled with pride and noble ideals, still could not bear to see that noble man suffer as he did, and so every time one of the overseers threatened to kick or beat Vereyar when he was unwilling to rise and do his work, he would interfere, kneeling there in the dust between Vereyar and whatever beast was leering down at them with hoarse promises of how he would make his companion rise and do his work if only they were given a few moments.

Still captured in Isengard, Eluivor faces the lowest point of his life so far when pain and starvation and exhaustion prove stronger than pride.



Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/426019.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

March 20th, 2014

FIC: Distant Stars [Les Misérables]

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Mmmh hair ribbon porn. <3

Distant Stars (862 words) by Esteliel
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Javert/Jean Valjean
Characters: Javert (Les Misérables), Jean Valjean
Additional Tags: Autoerotic Asphyxiation, Bruises, Pain
Summary:


He is burning, devoured by fever, poisoned by the touches of the man’s fists that have painted his limbs blue and green and purple, and instead of sleep he only finds the memory of Valjean's strength when he closes his eyes, the animal sensation of hot breath against his cheek.



Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/425907.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

March 19th, 2014

FIC: This Man Belongs To You [Les Misérables]

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This Man Belongs To You (2601 words) by Esteliel
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Javert/Jean Valjean
Characters: Javert (Les Misérables), Jean Valjean, Enjolras (Les Misérables), Grantaire (Les Misérables)
Additional Tags: dubcon, Alternate Universe - Magic, Enjolras kind of does blood magic by accident
Summary:

"Release me," Javert says with breathless horror, eyes intent on his face, and he realises that this is as close to begging as the other man has ever come, who but a moment ago was calm and dignified in the face of his own death.

He shakes his head with speechless dismay. He cannot find words for this. To give words to this... thing is to acknowledge it is reality, when even now, even after the stories of strange moons and signs drawn with blood on doors and the return of whispered horrors out of fairy tales that fill the journals and drawing-rooms it is still easier to believe them thoughts fuelled by absinthe, or the words of poets driven mad by love or loss.


I don't even know. I wanted to write some trope-y drabble to entertain myself. Instead, have some "Javert becomes Valjean's possession by accident because Enjolras does blood magic" fic?

Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/425690.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

March 18th, 2014

Art: Toil Until The Old Colours Fade by drcalvin

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So, I'm not really good at the whole art thing yet (seriously, I do not even know what I am doing! Just that I really have a lot of fun playing with things I do not understand!) and so to challenge myself I decided to give the whole digital colouring a try.

And because illustrating your own stories is kind of boring, and I was still swooning over what is still one of the best Les Mis fics I have read so far that had scenes that still stick in my head, I decided to see if I could manage an illustration for that.


Toil Until The Old Colours Fade
by loesvalthen on deviantART

Have my rec from tumblr to go with it (and check out the story if you are into Les Mis at all because it is so worth it):
Toil Until the Old Colours Fade (94310 words) by drcalvin

"So I stayed up until 3am yesterday because I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I had finished reading this. I still feel all raw and aching in the best possible ways. I love how this fandom breaks my heart with every good story I read, but this story broke my heart in 19 different ways and then glued it all together again with redemption found through love and with hope and with that indescribable beauty of someone who has seen the deepest despair refusing to surrender until he has found his way to the light, and to love.

Falling into this fandom so late (it sometimes seems as if every story I read and love was written a year ago) was worth it just for the joy of reading this. It really was catharsis in the truest sense. <3"


(Also, either I'm changing or fandom is changing. I get mentioned on an anon meme, and only one comment is about how I'm a bad BNF, while the others are about how hot my Kushiel fic is? Huh. Maybe I will have to revise my opinion of anon memes. And I was wondering where the sudden influx in kudos came from!)

Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/425433.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

March 10th, 2014

FIC: Never Gentle Always Patient 3/3 [Les Misérables]

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Completed at last. Nothing like self-indulgent idfic to make you realize how much you’ve really fallen for a fandom and its tropes! <3

Never Gentle Always Patient (13475 words) by
Esteliel

Chapters: 3/3
Fandom: Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - Victor Hugo, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Javert/Jean Valjean
Characters: Javert (Les Misérables), Jean Valjean
Additional Tags: Madeleine Era, Dom/sub, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, Humiliation, Punishment, Punish Me M. le Maire, Boot Worship
Summary:

He did not know where they could go from this. He had asked to be turned out, that had been dismissed. He had asked to be beaten, that too he had been denied. In his despair, he had offered the mayor his dignity, perhaps the only thing of worth he owned apart from his post, and had given himself into his hand completely, to hold him or destroy him with his knowledge however Madeleine pleased. The mayor had not spared him, that was true – but he had not wanted to be spared. As inwardly, he writhed beneath the indignity of the mayor's questions and his touch, he was yet ever aware of how deserving he was of such treatment. This was the lash he had begged for, though it was granted in a different manner; it was a scourge taken to his soul, to his conscience, and just this once the mayor was merciful enough to be cruel to ease his need.

Punish me, Monsieur le Maire fic, because there is never enough of that. Javert has made a grave mistake. The Mayor thinks that he needs to learn control.



Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/424753.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

March 6th, 2014

FIC: Never Gentle Always Patient 2/3 [Les Misérables]

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Another chapter of Punish Me M. le Maire idfic. Javert still thinks he needs to be punished more! Valjean agrees, until he doesn’t agree anymore.

Never Gentle Always Patient (8805 words) by Esteliel
Chapters: 2/3
Fandom: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Javert/Jean Valjean
Characters: Javert (Les Misérables), Jean Valjean
Additional Tags: Madeleine Era, Dom/sub, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, Humiliation, Punishment, Punish Me M. le Maire


Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/424458.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

March 3rd, 2014

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I can't remember if I linked it before, but - I'm doing what everyone is doing and am on Tumblr now: esteliel.tumblr.com/

Lots of Les Mis and Valvert and the occasional resources/meta right now.

(Umm. I also have a porn tumblr? But I'm not sure if anyone really shares my interests there. XD And it's not tagged or anything for content or triggers, as it's just a collection for myself really, but if you really want to know, let me know, I guess? I never mind links to good porn tumblrs either :D)
Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/424019.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

FIC: Never Gentle Always Patient 1/3 [Les Misérables]

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Never Gentle Always Patient (4294 words) by Esteliel
Chapters: 1/?
Fandom: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Javert/Jean Valjean
Characters: Javert (Les Misérables), Jean Valjean
Additional Tags: Madeleine Era, Dom/sub, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, Humiliation, Punishment, Punish Me M. le Maire
Summary:


He was calm and composed when he made his report on the grave mistake he had committed, although once or twice, a deep sigh escaped him. He did not spare himself despite the melancholy thought that this would be the last day, the last hour, that he would wear the uniform that had once been all he had aspired to. He omitted none of his many sins. His hurt pride and humiliation at how the magistrate had handled the case of the prostitute. His preposterous suspicions, fed by the hurt pride. The letter sent to the Prefecture, and the answer he had received.

Silently, he held out the letter at last, a wordless entreaty to take the weight of the law from his shoulders that during the last hour had grown too weak to bear the weight they had been so long accustomed to. “You see, Monsieur. It must be done. Do with me as you please; it is just.”


Punish me, Monsieur le Maire fic, because there is never enough of that. Javert has made a grave mistake. The Mayor thinks that he needs to learn control.




So I "Punish me, M. le Maire"'d. We all knew that would happen. Sometimes you need to spend a weekend writing super self-indulgent idfic. And there is nothing that makes me as happy as Monsieur le Maire taking advantage of these very dubious power dynamics these two got going on.

Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/423708.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.

February 28th, 2014

A story fanart movie... thing!

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So, following some very beautifully tragic and emotional RP, I was absolutely overwhelmed with the need to create art for it. And then I thought, why not go for two or three pictures and try for a comic to do justice to all the beautiful heartbreak? And, well. Two evenings later, what I had done had in fact turned into a movie.

So here it is, my first fanart comic RP story movie thingie ever! I'm kind of excited, I really did not think it would work so well, considering this is the first time I've done this!

Imprisoned in Isengard, Vereyar is faced with a realization that threatens to destroy everything he ever believed in. Meanwhile, Eluivor is in danger of losing the only companion he has in the forges of Isengard... (See the Masterpost for the complete storyline.)



Entry originally posted to DW: http://esteliel.dreamwidth.org/423575.html (comment count unavailablecomments). Comments are welcome in either place.
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